ANGER, POSITIVITY OR COUNSELLING ?
Half the world is angry, and the other half is trying to remain calm. In between the two lies a terrifying third entity – and it’s very, very scary ….
The online world could be an angry place before the onset of COVID-19, but I now look back on that time as the halcyon days of blocking sad little trolls who lived in their mothers’ spare rooms and considered everything a conspiracy, from their skin conditions, poor health and burgeoning weight gain to people-tracking vaccinations, 9-11 and JFK’s death. Today, it’s not just the identifiable keyboard warriors who want to rage against what is happening – it’s about half of the world. The other half is doing their best to cheer us all up with Dad jokes, clever memes, art, photography, music and stories about what others are doing to help. I admit I’m pretty angry about the horrendous losses in Italy, Spain, New York and other cities, but getting online and spraying about it seems a bit pointless, doesn’t it? To begin with, any online rant will probably be an exercise in preaching to the converted, and most people don’t want to be reminded that at any given moment they could be struck down with a lung-destroying disease that may or may not kill them. It’s just not cricket. There will be a reckoning, but now is not the time to pre-empt what that might be. And for those who want to bang on about an ‘inevitable’ war with China, here’s a tip – unless you’re a qualified military strategist currently working alongside your Prime Minister or President, you don’t have a clue, you pathetic fart!
Thankfully, in amongst those angry people punching out messages of doom, there are others determined to cheer us up with good ideas to keep us occupied during isolation or lockdown. Some of those ideas include the latest movies and shows, new card games, gardening ideas, cleaning hacks, things to do with the children or new books to read online. I recently watched a video tutorial about creating strips of carrot seeds ready for planting, which I actually copied because carrot seeds are so fine and it’s easy to waste them. I’m also watching Monty Python and old Carry On movies so my inner Elbit doesn’t force me into a sobbing, foetal ball after reading some keyboard warrior’s rant. For the younger generation, streaming movies is a lifesaver, as are online games and watching videos that reassure you there is life after your nail or tanning salon has been closed due to COVID-19. The difference between the angry people and the helpful people is a vast one, but somewhere between them is another type; a really, really scary person. I refer, somewhat tremulously, to the semi-qualified family counsellor (SQFC).
The SQFC means well, but beyond that there is little to recommend having one as a family member, pet or online friend. SQFCs have generally received a soupcon of informal or semi-formal training in counselling, but are not qualified medical professionals and have never attended college or university. They are a classic example of a little knowledgebeinga dangerous thing, but they never see it in themselves. Whenever there’s a family member in crisis, SQFCs have a label for it; a language of their own that renders the situation (and their role in it) far more important than it really is. For example, our daughter is suffering from mental health issues and she needs a counsellor as I’m worried about self harm, should read; our daughter’s a lazy, hormonal teenager and she’ll either grow out of it or she can find somewhere else to live. Because SQFCs mean well, it’s difficult to get angry with them, but it is easy to laugh at some of the tripe that emanates from their little minds. In the wake of COVID-19, SQFCs have been in their element. On the one hand, they appear duty bound to publically express the grief of thousands currently mourning the loss of a loved one, while on the other hand, they’re hell bent on offering to remedy the angst of anybody in their line of fire.
I recently happened to read a post by one of these well-meaning people. As I began to read it, I half expected there would be a punch-line at the end, but as I continued, I realised the woman was serious. The post offered a solution for families struggling with worry and fear during the COVID-19 crisis, and it involved using feeling cards and (wait for it) a whiteboard. Seriously, the woman suggested that at the dinner table, parents should place cards on the table, and those cards should have words such as worried, concerned, sad, grieving, mournful (along with anything else that can depress the hell out of you) on them. Children and adults alike should then reach for a card that best expresses what they feel, and the family should discuss it in relation to COVID-19. Following that part of the exercise, she suggested that blank cards or a whiteboard should then be provided to family members so they can write words such as, reassured, happier, safer to indicate how they feel following the family discussion. Now, I don’t know about you, but if I suggested that to my family, they wouldn’t stop laughing for a week – so naturally, I suggested it to Ol’ 76 and Mum for the fun of it!
After the laughter abated, we decided to have our own, very different feeling card session, so out came the notepad and the markers. Ol’ 76’s half-dozen offerings resembled the ramblings of Maynard G. Krebs (The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis), Mum’s pearls of wisdom were all alcohol related and upped the ante on the same theme each time she handed them over, while mine were slightly bawdy and more manic than depressive. At the end of the session, we photographed the cards and shared them on Facebook with select friends and family we knew were reasonably broad minded and didn’t mind a few naughty words. We’ve probably started a new game for bored, cynical adults determined to face adversity with stupidity at the expense of well-meaning semi-qualified family counsellors, but that’s fine if it works. We quelled our inner Elbits, escaped from the depressing news emanating from various media sources, and laughed ourselves silly.
When this is all over, I might contact our well-meaning SQFC and thank her for the inspiration she gave us … but then again, I might not in case it inspires her to try harder!
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Elbit vs. COVID-19 