UNDERSTANDING THE NEW RULES
Keeping up with fast-changing restrictions is a little like skating on marbles
I’m a fairly news-savvy woman, and I try to keep up with what’s happening in the local and wider area on a daily basis, but working out what’s mandatory and what’s voluntary is like knitting fog at present! Sadly, there is no holistic rule that covers stupid, because that would make things so much simpler; stupid people do dumb things that are easy to spot and often easy to stop. One example of stupid is an image I saw recently. It depicted a man in a supermarket closely inspecting a package, which he held with his left (ungloved) hand. He happened to be holding the surgical glove he’d brought to the shops between his teeth! But what if you’re doing everything you can to keep safe, only to discover it’s a punishable offence?
Recently, Mum and I did a rubbish run to the local dump. We considered it relatively essential at the time as it was part and parcel of cleaning up the area in which we planned to establish our container veggie garden in case food shortages or price rorting continues. At the time, the borders were still open and we were only being asked to practise sensible social distancing. Off we went to the dump, where Mum remained in the car and I offloaded the rubbish wearing a mask. After that, we dropped into the sand and gravel yard and got a trailer load of yummy mushroom compost. That was a few weeks ago. Today, we would be fined for doing the same thing, although we had no contact with anybody, touched nothing but our own stuff and even sprayed the money with disinfectant before handing it to the attendant. Visiting the public rubbish dump is now considered non-essential, which I might accept if the dumps weren’t still open! If humans aren’t allowed to dump their waste, why on earth are they still open to the public? It’s all a bit silly.
I’m therefore more than a little confused, and chiefly because our law enforcers are displaying all the hallmarks of being confused themselves. How do you determine sensible behaviour during a global pandemic? Let’s face, when your inner Elbit is looking down the barrel of certain death after seeing a news report on the latest terrible news from New York or London, tearing off your clothes and screaming, “We’re all doomed!” could be considered sensible. And had I witnessed the man sticking the glove in his mouth at the supermarket, I suspect I would have deemed it sensible to have him sealed in a plastic bubble for the duration – just to keep the rest of us safe!
Determining what is essential and what isn’t differs between people and their needs, and the resulting grey area is where the problem lies. I don’t see anything wrong with a family going out for a drive, providing they don’t stop to visit anywhere and whoever fuels up the car does all of the right things. However, this is now considered an offence, thanks to a rule contrived by somebody who has clearly never been holed up with children for longer than two or three days. When the little darlings start bouncing off the walls and you’re convinced that one of them will die at the hands of the others, a distracting drive is possibly the most sensible thing to do! When children are bored and restless, they have the capability of becoming one of the most toxic things on the planet, apart from bored teenagers, and it doesn’t take a medical professional or a law enforcement officer to determine when children are about to turn into their evil doppelgangers – they’ll make it quite clear!
So, for all of those out there who don’t have a clue about when it is essential to take the kids for a drive, let me spell it out in three stages so as to avoid future confusion:
Stage 1 – I’m Bored
When a child tells you they’re bored, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re bored – but it does mean they’re seeking attention and their statement is merely Stage 1 of what can (and will) escalate into a campaign of terror against those who aren’t wise to it. Often, slavery works for a time (cleaning, gardening, counting out the coins in the swear jar, etc.), but for no more than half an hour.
Stage 2 – He Did … She Did …
Stage 2 generally begins when one child decides to blame another for something they did themselves or something they did in league with the other child. This tactic also garners attention, regardless of it being negative, and it can’t be rectified with work – bribery in the form of a treat is required. Bearing in mind that the parent/s are also suffering from cabin fever, this is often a time that alcohol before lunch begins to look attractive and should be fought.
Stage 3 – What time is ……
Several seconds after the treat has been delivered and either consumed or used up, I’m Bored and He Did … She Did … will probably join forces, and for the parent clever enough to deflect both barrels, “what time is ….” will then raise its ugly head. This is Stage 3, and it can often happen within half an hour of Stage 1. Generally, Stage 3 can be stretched out until lunch time, but after that the gloves are off and the little darlings will be totally out of control. At this point, it is best to go for a drive, and when they start arguing in the back seat, turn on the stereo and drown out the sound of their hideous, screeching voices while ensuring they can’t hurt themselves or each other. When the screeching and the tears stop, turn down the stereo and drive home. If the problem persists, buy geese – by their very nature geese are both fascinating and terrifying to children and they take no prisoners!
So there you have it – I can’t solve the problem of confusion surrounding new or updated rules, but I can at least explain why taking the kids for a drive is absolutely essential for so many reasons!
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Elbit vs. COVID-19 